have you ever taken a step back and just looked around at whats going on in everyone else's lives?? its quite an interesting view. you should try it sometimes.

it's funny, because they say they don't care, but they bring it into the view of others; clearly because they do. i love how people lie to themselves all the time. cuz thats what we are doing. lying. we lie to make it seem like we're ok with everything going on. to make it seem like we're stronger than we are. to make it seem like we've got a better handle on situations than we really do. but mostly, we lie because we're afraid. afraid of what the others will say or do or think. afraid of what we'll think of ourselves after we finnally admit it.

well, heres the thing. i'm not "ok" with some of the stuff going on. and i know i've got no right or imput in the situation im not ok wit. but i'm not ok wit it none the less. sometimes i walk through school and i look at the people closest to me and i can see that none of them really talks to me about stuff thats going on in their lives (there is an exception) and it makes me upset a lil..because if even the littlest thing happens in my life, they're the first ones i tell. i suppose i'm just not as easy to talk to as i thought i was, and thats sort of upsetting to, but i can't blame anyone if they don't want to talk to me. it's their decision and i respect it completely.

now. on a completely different note. today is the first day of ramadan. and yupp, that means im fasting! this is probably the time of year when im most proud of being a muslim. i mean, i'm always proud of it, believe me, but during this month, it swells up in me like never before. this month and its purpose is probably what describes islam best. for an entire month, we fast. we fast to learn patience, to expierence what those less fortunate than us must go through everyday, and thus we learn compassion. someone recently asked me if i was upset about ramadan started, and i told her "no, im excited" she asked why since i wouldnt get to eat. i couldnt explain it to her then, but it's because this month makes me so proud of who i am and my ability to handle eveything that happens in this month.

i doubt i will make another update soon, my next one will probably be on Eid-ul-Fitr. where i can tell you how i've changed during my month of fasting, and ishAllah i will have changed for the better. but since i won't be making any comments till then, i'd like to give an early shout-out to two very special pple.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMMY!! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAJ! i love you guys lots and i hope you have amazing 16th birthdayss! <3

hey there buddies,

i'm leaving for texas today. and i won't be back till august 21st. yes yes, i kno. thats a long time. but my parents are sending me and my bro on a long vacation & we're not about to complain bout it. anywayzz, just thought id let everyone know since i didn't get to tell most of you online.

byeee lovess <3

things in the middle east are getting continually worse. and although im sure everyone is busy with their own lives, i think we can all take a few minutes and just say a little prayer for all the innocent people getting caught in the crossfire and hopefully the violence will end soon, because it truely is useless.

i know this is coming a little late, but nonetheless its something that deserves attention, and i thought i should say something about it. if you're reading this, you probably know angie. and thus you probably know that she happens to be in lebanon. shes suppose to be getting out asap. but im not sure if thats happened yet or not. either way i hope everyone can take some time to pray for her safe return as well as the safety of everyone else in the region, even if you don't know anyone thats there.

anywayz, this is just my attempt to maybe get the word out to those that are too busy to pay attention to the world around them. and i truely hope that the unnecessary fighting stops as soon as posssible.

its interesting to feel like you're becoming invisible. I suppose its less a matter of becoming invisible and more realizing that people just don't give a shit about you. really, its quite amusing.

so its been an interesting end to an even more interesting year. overall its been pretty good. grades were ridiculously bad, but its motivated me to try even harder than ever next year. im not as tight with anyone as i used to be, except a very select few. (i think you'd be surprised as to who those few are.) i'm tryin to improve things with a certain friend that i've neglected this past year. not intentionally, cuz i love her to death. but everything this year was so hectic that she just didnt get the amount of attention she deserves. and i'm sorry for that, but the only thing i can do now, is try not to let it happen again. which unfortunately i can't promise either.  besides this, i've experienced some of the best days of my life this year. i.e.my surprise sweet sixteen. thank you to anyone and everyone that was a part of that. it made me beyond happy, and it is definitely something i will never forget.

i'm incredibly happy that school is over. i love my family. although they piss me off sometimes, i have to be one of the luckiest people on earth. my relationship wit my dad is more one taht friends hav than one of father-daughter. i mean, i yell at him and make fun of him, and he tickles me until i cry. my mom has got to be one of my best friends, and shes always there wen i'm feeling crappy. (except wen its her fault im feeling crappy) lmao..but friends do that too..so pretty much the same thing huh?? at least i kno that no matter how bad a "falling out" i hav wit my mom, she won't leave. and my bro. haha. man i fight wit him like im two. its pretty sad. but honest to god, i would give my life for that kid. but my dads right, i really gotta learn to control my temper wit him, haha..maybe that'll be my summer goal wit him.

THEN theres appi. <3 dear god. i laugh soooooooooooooo much wen im wit her. due mostly to my own stupidity, but thats besides the point. i joke wit her a lot about how i can't wait till she gets married so that she'll finally leave, but hte truth is...the day she gets married, will be the saddest day of my life. i'll lose my best friend, my sister, and my strength all at once. but i suppose thats wat growing up is all about. =\